I have already forgotten how it feels like being a student.
How it feels to be so carefree,
thinking all about assignment and attendance.

How does it really feel?

I’ve been talking about quitting my job,
moving on,
studying.

Apparently, all are just plain talking and no actions.

4 more months to go.

Once I finish my bike lessons
and get my license,

I’ll quit my job,
work part time
and study part time.

This is the life that I’ve been missing out.

Diploma?
What’s the big deal?

If I can stop worrying about my finances,
If I can stop worrying about waking up with no money,

I should be at where I want to be at.

This is fucking sickening!

I thought we all used to be in the same dark room?
I thought we all used to be in the same class with the same photography lecturer?

Why people can afford to study what they want,
and I can’t?

Why people can take 1-2 degrees,
and I can’t even take a simple degree?

Why do I even need to worry about my study loan?

Why am I even comparing in the first place?

I’m so tired.

This is getting far too emotional!

I wish I had the guts to throw my resignation letter tomorrow.
This is how far I am already.

RACHEL NEEDS TO STOP FUCKING THINKING ABOUT THE MONEY!

I still love you (like terribly much?) even though your surprise was exposed by my family members.

It’s such a sweet scene to see you merging into my family.

The time together was really worth.
Now, I can’t wait to see you join me for CNY! (The ang baos will increase definitely!)
And not leaving you alone on CNY!

It’s a long road, love.

And you know I love you so.

1 more week to chalet,
2 more weeks to celebrating your birthday,
and 2 more months to Bangkok!

And you know I’ll be there,
to catch you whenever you fall.

Loves

Such a long journey for this October.

The routine keeps happening,
Working and working.

from 9am to 9pm.
This is not helping.

We cannot blame the leads.
We cannot blame anything,
but just to call.

Frustration is the word.
You know I would have just smashed the monitor by now.

And the moment,
I just felt like bursting out.

Why is my job getting tougher?
Why is it never the same?

I’m so tired.
The road seems so long,
so stagnant.

And the worst thing,
we cannot blame anything.

But ourselves being so complacent.

We can never blame anything,
except ourselves.

What a fucking DENIAL!

CCB!

I wish the night at Conrad will last forever.
You, me, and the cuddles.

Happy 4th Year baby!
It’s a long time to come.

Hope you like the little “buffet” (I guess it was really huge portion!) and the night at Conrad.

Hoping there will be more years to come.

And the little present, I know it’s not impressive.
I’ve made better ones.

I’m getting old, ideas gets a little rusty.

Nevertheless,
I knew you will like it la.

Photos coming up, I hope. If i’m not lazy!

the emotional war is getting stronger and stronger.
I’m getting more tired and tired.

Frustrated I am,
but what can I do?

Hoping for a reply from my friend,
I need to do a switch.
Something more relaxing.

I think it’s just me,
giving too much expectations to myself,
and giving too much wild imaginations to myself.

I think it’s time to relax and take life slower a step.

I need to find the meaning of life.

and I knew I never like the opposite.

Never Never like.

I’m so pissed within.

Karma Karma.

Breathe in.. Breathe Out..

rachel is not going to do free business.

1. wasting time
2. no profit.

Don’t get recognised by good effort. so what’s the point?

Time to look further for sprees! I earn more than ever.

While I browse through those jobs engine,
It seems like job is finding me,
instead of me looking for jobs.

It seems like we’re talking about the cert and the pennies,
and then comes the passion.

I thought I can hold on longer.
But it’s already 1.5 years,
and I guess this is not the way I should want it to be.

Ambitious I am,
but capability?
A good question.

If no one spots on your capability,
then why should you promote yourself?

Thick skin to advance your career?

Many questions stuck in me.

Many options un-answered.
Some dilemma is stuck within that I just don’t wanna make the wrong choice.

Choice – define choice.

We have a choice,
but we choose not to choose,
so we procrastinate emotions.

I’m so tired,
this journey seems short,
but those emotions within seems restless.

Everyday is a day looking for motivation.
It isn’t easy.

I love my colleagues,
but my job scope and stress is a burden that left me wondering the definition of “worth”.

I’m worried,
yet I’m still here sitting doing nothing.

Before I start job hunting,
it’s time to revamp my resume.

I don’t believe I cannot find something that I can bring me far.

I’m starting to be ambitious yet timid.

and you know you’re growing

Thinking back, when I was younger back then in my late 10s probably around 17-19,
I was really amazed and overly inspired by inspirational books.. self-help books to be exact.
(Some people even mock at me reading such books, which I believe it was always individual preferences.)

Well, I felt it could bring me to another certain level of maturity and understanding from adults back then.
Yes it did.
Pretty certain of.

Now, when you start talking to me about self-help, motivational books,
I tend to stumble a little.

I guessed those emotions started when I was having a training course provided by my company.
A Customer Service training course a.k.a beating your emotions well to be fit at work a.k.a be nice.

The course was really inspirational,
but it would be more inspirational if I was 17 or 18 preferably.

Is it the age gap that we’re talking about?
The movement of life cycle that you thought,
“Oh well, the period is over. Tell me more about others.”

I guess it’s something built within that you knew life is supposed to be this way.
And bearing those negative emotions and fight through your everyday life.

What makes a better Service oriented person?
I believe if you’re nice in general,
being a better service oriented person is never an issue.

I’m always very certain of my services towards Customers I handle.
Ok, I’m not bull-shitting.

It’s been almost close to 3 years since I’m in this line.
Fighting those negative and positive emotions together in a day is not easy.
It’s how we handle them.

Putting work behind after 6pm is somehow tough for me.
I guess I have a playful yet workaholic side.
But well… it’s the bills we’re talking about huh?

Attending the course made me felt like I’m going through another phase of life and emotions,
those struggling moments were probably over.
Now welcome the moving on period.

2 sayings;

“Life is a miracle.” – Is that so?
“Life is a plan route.” – That’s within our control I supposed.

I’m starting to feel older now,
not knowingly I’m welcoming my 23rd in 2 months time.
(I’m the last in my clique, I should be fortunate.)

Filtering 2 phases in life makes a good night sleep much better.
At least I know I’m growing.

A mind with different sector.

Good night Saturday.
It would be too emotional if I continue.

why?