Woohoo!

Finally we are moving TheLazyPeople. Hoping this could be a turning point for all of us.

It’s the 9th February 2010. I finally spoke to him with those thoughts in my mind. But there are still some things are best left unsaid.

Knowing my capabilities in working something out, if the confidence is not there for me to hang on to, I guess it’s something that won’t be beneficial to me.

I guess moving on as it is with the conversation we had, is much easier than suggesting something that parties may not be agreeable to.

I can only sit and wait for miracles to happen.

And I am still holding onto some faith in miracles.
Hoping things can take a change.

Because I have lost a part of me, 2 years ago when I was attaining pennies.

Now I want to be ME.

To be ME.

Where was I left at?

I guess I had to side track and find it back.

Coming home soon.
The emotional war is wanting to come to an end.

I want to.

Suddenly, I realised 24hours seems never enough.

Making the maximum usage of my time,
I’m still incomplete.

Now I’m done with,
I’ve got not enough time to rest.

This race still has to carry on.
I went out dinner with a friend of mine.
Had a heart to heart talk,
asking me to make opportunities for myself.

People will never take notice of you if you don’t.
And I’m doubting my ability.

Should I stay or Should I go?

Why am I still searching?
Where is the certainties I had in the past?
Why is the confidence?

To believe and to make believe.
What can I even do to make things better?

So if I got things my way,
some things will still thumble.

I wish I was given more time, more efforts, more confidence, more of me.

I’m simply afraid,
to lose anything at this point of time.

Getting strangled that I had to head for Self-Help books which I haven’t touch for years.

“The Art of Effortless Living”.

And the last book I finished reading was;

“If life is a game, these are the rules.”

Why am I reading such books?
Confiding confidence in them.

I guess it’s time to rest,
for a run tomorrow.
This mask never seems to be on leave, not a single day.

So how do I do normal?
The smile I fake
The permanent wave
Of cue cards and fix-it kits
Can't you tell?
I'm not myself

it has been a month since I last updated.

Middle of the night, 2.43am,
Here I am, getting really frustrated over the pile of incomplete jobs I have on hand.

And thinking about my morning job really kills me.

Numbers, Numbers, Numbers!

This routine doesn’t end on the last day of the month.
It only ends when you leave.

3 more days to month end,
and I’m still really stretch from my target.

Stress, yes.
To be exact very.

Working till 9pm,
coming home to complete my freelance.

And emails are coming in for some more freelance.

I just can’t wait to complete the current freelance job,
and move on to the next.

At least the next customer knows what he wants.

I’m tired.

And I’m going TaiPei again in August for our 5th year anniversary *touch wood*.

I need a break!

Hopefully my freelance can generate more income and savings for me.

But I still love doing what I always wanted to do.

.Passion.

it’s been months since I last blog.

Work has been tedious, rest is never enough.
But we still have to wake up racing for the day.

Looking forward to the end of the race.

I’m starting to drift away from all these moment of thoughts.

I’ll be back soon.

Merry Christmas and an Anticipating Year ahead.

Ending the year,
Rachel

爱一直存在  -  梁文音

那天我扬起帆
想看看未知的海
心里很多话想说说不出来
虽然我脸上看不出来
天空一样蔚蓝 却换了多少云彩
那时的你让我幸福百分百
是否为我等待
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你泪停不下来
你知道我依赖多不想say googbye
我痛说不出来
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你快乐都停摆
某一天我期待和你笑的灿烂
回头看爱 都在
站在你的门外 我却幸福在徘徊
心里很多话想说说不出来
但我想你一定都明白
时间过的好快
想念却不曾更改
现在的你是否幸福百分百
我应该怎么猜
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你泪停不下来
你知道我依赖多不想say googbye
我痛说不出来
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你快乐都停摆
某一天我期待和你笑的灿烂
回头看爱 都在
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你泪停不下来
你知道我依赖多不想say googbye
我痛说不出来
我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你快乐都停摆
某一天我期待和你笑的灿烂
回头看爱 都在
爱一直存在

I have already forgotten how it feels like being a student.
How it feels to be so carefree,
thinking all about assignment and attendance.

How does it really feel?

I’ve been talking about quitting my job,
moving on,
studying.

Apparently, all are just plain talking and no actions.

4 more months to go.

Once I finish my bike lessons
and get my license,

I’ll quit my job,
work part time
and study part time.

This is the life that I’ve been missing out.

Diploma?
What’s the big deal?

If I can stop worrying about my finances,
If I can stop worrying about waking up with no money,

I should be at where I want to be at.

This is fucking sickening!

I thought we all used to be in the same dark room?
I thought we all used to be in the same class with the same photography lecturer?

Why people can afford to study what they want,
and I can’t?

Why people can take 1-2 degrees,
and I can’t even take a simple degree?

Why do I even need to worry about my study loan?

Why am I even comparing in the first place?

I’m so tired.

This is getting far too emotional!

I wish I had the guts to throw my resignation letter tomorrow.
This is how far I am already.

RACHEL NEEDS TO STOP FUCKING THINKING ABOUT THE MONEY!

I still love you (like terribly much?) even though your surprise was exposed by my family members.

It’s such a sweet scene to see you merging into my family.

The time together was really worth.
Now, I can’t wait to see you join me for CNY! (The ang baos will increase definitely!)
And not leaving you alone on CNY!

It’s a long road, love.

And you know I love you so.

1 more week to chalet,
2 more weeks to celebrating your birthday,
and 2 more months to Bangkok!

And you know I’ll be there,
to catch you whenever you fall.

Loves

Such a long journey for this October.

The routine keeps happening,
Working and working.

from 9am to 9pm.
This is not helping.

We cannot blame the leads.
We cannot blame anything,
but just to call.

Frustration is the word.
You know I would have just smashed the monitor by now.

And the moment,
I just felt like bursting out.

Why is my job getting tougher?
Why is it never the same?

I’m so tired.
The road seems so long,
so stagnant.

And the worst thing,
we cannot blame anything.

But ourselves being so complacent.

We can never blame anything,
except ourselves.

What a fucking DENIAL!

CCB!

I wish the night at Conrad will last forever.
You, me, and the cuddles.

Happy 4th Year baby!
It’s a long time to come.

Hope you like the little “buffet” (I guess it was really huge portion!) and the night at Conrad.

Hoping there will be more years to come.

And the little present, I know it’s not impressive.
I’ve made better ones.

I’m getting old, ideas gets a little rusty.

Nevertheless,
I knew you will like it la.

Photos coming up, I hope. If i’m not lazy!

the emotional war is getting stronger and stronger.
I’m getting more tired and tired.

Frustrated I am,
but what can I do?

Hoping for a reply from my friend,
I need to do a switch.
Something more relaxing.

I think it’s just me,
giving too much expectations to myself,
and giving too much wild imaginations to myself.

I think it’s time to relax and take life slower a step.

I need to find the meaning of life.